LinkedIn profile roast service
Get a blunt, funny teardown of your photo, headline, and About section—plus specific rewrites you can actually use. Delivered by voice memo or Loom within a few hours.
Starting at $15 · No call required · Fast turnaround
Sample verdict
“Visionary ninja” is not a job title. Let’s fix that.
The no-nonsense promise
You’ll hear exactly what feels awkward, overcooked, or forgettable—and what to write instead.
No AI score, recycled checklist, or week-long wait. Your roast comes from an actual person within hours.
Your profile stays between us. Nothing is posted or anonymized without your explicit permission.
The teardown
A profile roast is entertainment with an edit button: every joke points toward a clearer, sharper profile.
Does it read credible and approachable—or cropped wedding guest with a productivity podcast?
We strip out jargon and replace it with a line that tells people what you actually do.
We find the clichés, buried proof, and robotic phrasing—then give you concrete rewrite directions.
2–3
Choose a voice memo for quick-fire commentary or Loom to see every issue on screen.
Your takeaway
The goal is not humiliation. It’s a profile that sounds like a capable human instead of a conference lanyard.
How it lands
Choose a package and share your public LinkedIn URL.
Receive your private voice memo or Loom within the stated window.
Apply the specific suggestions—or share the funniest line with pride.
Pick your burn level
One-time payment. No subscription, discovery call, or six-week personal-brand bootcamp.
Quick Scorch
A sharp voice-memo roast for the profile that needs a reality check, fast.
Loom Inferno
A screen-recorded teardown with more context, visual callouts, and ready-to-adapt copy.
✓ Everything in Quick Scorch
✓ 2–3 minute Loom video
✓ Headline rewrite options
✓ About-section game plan
Ready for the truth?
Spend less than lunch. Get the laugh, the diagnosis, and the rewrite direction in one fast hit.